Arent We All Industrial Mermaids?

www.vat19.com/dvds/giant-gummy-bear-on-a-stick.cfm

please
someone buy me a red one. i could get it for myself but its sweeter coming from you. also.
holy shit.
want.

so i fell down a whole flight of stairs... thats somewhere between 17-20 stairs. my butt hurts a whole lot. ow ow ow.

well my MRI and EEG came out  normal! hooray!  I'm going to be put on two medications for my headache, and i'm getting new contacts/glasses. hopefully this will all help.
END

i'm becoming increasingly agitated and lethargic and short with people. no short jokes please.  i think its probably because i constantly have a headache, but i really can't put my finger on why i feel the way i do.  i'm not emotionally stressed, i'm not anxious or over thinking... hmmm I try not to snap at people but honestly, guys, I feel like shit and I don't know why, and I  don't want to talk about how I feel so please stop asking, and I'll join you on a different conversation.

oh boy.. six years. i feel like we all need to talk about this please.

Sooo this morning I have my EEG and my MRI.  Hooray.  I am grumpy because I was only allowed five hours of sleep last night, and no caffeine, after already not sleeping well the night before. I stayed up all night last night and watched Bill Nye. Yes, it was fun, but still no substitute for good old fashioned REM.

I got an email from Kashi yesterday that said essentially : Remember that free cookie we sent you last year? Well if you still have it, throw it out, it could have salmonella. Thanks!

Of course I already ate it.

No work for me today due to these tests. I'm gonna sleep the hell outta my bed when I get back.  I don't like it when my mom tries to be helpful most of the time. I know she's trying to help and all, but I can take care of myself.  Just little things like knocking on my door to wake me up even though I'm already up and writing in my LJ. IDK it's not her fault.  I just need to move out and regain my sense of independence and then that kind of thing will stop annoying me probably.

Mad tired.
Mad.
Tired.
Roar.

oh hey world, now that that lady had octuplets after already having 6 kids, you're all pro-choice all of a sudden. What she did was selfish?  When its one cute pink baby powdered smelling baby, then God will cast the parent's souls into the depths of hell for their awful murderous decision... But in this case, she should've just aborted seven of them? Come on, world. Come on.  Get your shit together, and stop judging people based on its convinience.  This is a situtation in which you don't really know how you'd react until or unless you've been in it, so stop judging and get back to your own lives, world. chiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllll ouuuuuuuuuuuttttttt.

so add this to my list of symptoms: Vertigo.

I went to the gym tonight with my mom and saw my best buddy ever Mr. Richard Sliwinski!  after that i came home and made crepes with a blueberry reduction sauce.  then i tried to shower and  even the water was hot, my body started shaking uncontrollably, so i got out of the shower, after only having washed my hair... i came back to my room, immediately got super hot and felt like passing out, headache arrive swiftly along with dizziness and pending consciousness.  now, after having taken some ibuprofen, i am laying in bed writing to you my worries.

so yesterday i went to work. during the first three hours of my being there i got the worst headache of my life, complete with nausea, dizziness, watering eyes, neck pain, weird swirling lights, disorientation, confusion, lack of concentration, fatigue, muscle weakness, inability to stand without fear of falling and much much more. My boss, seeing this, insisted that I go home, and then proceeded to drive me there herself.  Nice lady.  I got home and called my doctor. He called back and asked that I immediately come in. At this point I tried to call  my neurologist, but I had the wrong number. The lady who referred me gave me the number for Subway, who prescribed to me two cookies and a delicious sandwich. I kid you not.  Being home alone, and without transportation, I asked my friend Charlie to bring me to the doctor. He did.  While I was there for literally two hours, the doctor ruled out his fear that I had meningitis. Dear god thanks for it not being that but I knew it probably wasn't.  He then told me I should've gone straight to the emergency room, and told me to go to the neurologist ASAP. So I called my mom who left work and we journeyed to the neurologist.  He did neurological tests, gave me some "just in case you get a migraine" samples, and ordered that I get an MRI and an EEG. I decided to call it a day and come home and sleep.  Oh also, my new laptop already is fucking up.  I tried to click on a video and it opened 23894739865913847 times, then after shutting it down, I can't get passed the welcome screen.  Very VERY frustrating.  Today I am achy and fatigued but still going to work even though I wish I could take a real day to rest.

hello once again friends.  It is literally 80 degrees in the office, and I still have goosebumps, so I am wearing my coat. 


ok now its night time.  I went to the gym and signed up and worked out for like 45 minutes. after having a really shitty day, i feel wayyyy better and tired and awesome.

Well today is a so-far-so-good kind of day.  I'm trying to figure out how to update the company website, but there are so many stupid features in our network that make it impossible for me to be able to access anything i need to be able to.  I want to find an excuse to get out of the building today so I can get craft supplies to make some sort of sporting gear for this weekend's big event.  wooooo puppy bowl IVVIVIVIXXMKXIVIVIV!!!!!!
I constructed myself a to-do list.  On it is joining the gym, which is something I plan on doing tonight.  oh, and finding a therapist, i need to do that too. im trying to decide if i'm auditioning for the glass menagerie. i might as well just do it. whyyyy not.

Hi world. I had my physical today with my new doctor.  That's pretty exciting. he was nice. He wants me to see a neurologist for my headaches.  He also ordered some bloodwork for me to have done. Mostly normal stuff except for the random Lupus test he told me was because I had headaches, but didn't tell me he was searching for Lupus. Oh well. 

Other than that, today is flyyyyying by.  I'm feeling pretty good besides muscle pain and fatigue. lol. so yeah i'm feeling fantastic!
I'm thinking of auditioning for that droll play the glass menagerie.  yes it's boring as shit, but being in a show is always fun. 

Also i'm joining planet fitness soon.  I am doing it.

Next weekend is the puppy bowl! what up puppy bowl! I have to figure out if my mom is going or if I'm traveling with my boss this weekend. Either way is fine.
I'm craving fresh coconut.  You know, straight from the nut.  Yummmmm.
I drew a snowman in my notebook... that's unusual for me. hmmmmmm. what could it possibly mean?
okay obviously I'm just bored at work and filling time with ramblings. 
love y'all.

dear world,
i need to learn how to make thai food/vegetarian food.  All I have is this stupid cup o noodles impersonation of thai food.  it's like ramen on crack.  all i want to eat for the rest of my life is vegetables, soy products, tofu, udon noodles, dairy products, and sometimes sushi or seafood salad.
ok and indian food.
but seriously.
seriously.
c'mon.

My dad and I went to the casino last night and spent a lot of time and his money.  I didn't bring my purse in because I didnt want to spend any money, and they actually carded me! haha.  Goblin is being a food slut.  My back still hurts but the pain has spread up to my neck as well. I am trying to roll my neck and stretch the muscle but when I get to certain spots, the pain extends all the way down my arms.  Weiiiiird.  I'm trying to be very careful but everything fricken huuuuurts. oucha.  I'm really glad today is friday.  This weekend I should get my laptop in the mail and I can start setting it up to be my dream come true.  Then monday I have my first real doctor's appointment.  Also I'm looking for a good psychiatrist in my area.  Half because I'm crazy, and half because I need a good wall to bounce my words off of.  More dreams about John.  I'm okay though.  At times I miss what we had, and who he was but I don't miss him.  It's funny. As soon as anyone finds out I'm single, I start getting asked out a lot.  I don't feel like dating yet. Friends are nice though.  It's good to get out of the house instead of sleeping all of the time.  I'm saving tons of money for two reasons. One, I need a car and two, I can see being out of a job in the nearish future.  Speaking of jobs, I hate mine but at the same time I know its really good for me.  It's good for me to have something to do instead of sitting at home thinking a lot.  I need a massage really badly to get all this neck/back/ass/arm pain to go the heck away pleaaaaaaase.  Oh also bad dreams about Nicky last night.  I don't like when that happens.  oh well.

John and I are done. For good this time.  Not because I don' t love him anymore, but because there is no future, and he does not make me happy anymore.  But I am okay.  I really am.  I am okay because I don't care if we get back together, because I'm less happy when we are.  I will always love him.  I will probably continue to dream about him for a long time, but I don't wake up sad anymore because I can't let myself care that we're over.  It's too much energy about something that is for the best, and has happened four times and maybe we had it right the second time.  If I am sad, it is because it is the end of something that was good and beautiful and full of happiness at one point. Not because I want us back together. I do not.

Also, I threw out my back some how, and I dont know what I did, but damn it hurts.

I bought myself a new laptop that will be arriving in two days. Hooray.

today has been one HEAVY lourde. I did a lot of manual labor/heavy lifting and tomorrow reeks of more of the same. Tonight I am going to take a hot bath. I don't care about the heating bill, it will be heated to my liking. Maybe I'll even use oatmeal. how you like me now?! Nonetheless a productive day. Tomorrow is Inauguration Day. I'm excited/nervous about it. Luckily, here at work, everyone and everything will come to a standstill as we all watch it. I don't pray often but probably I'll whisper something in God's direction for our 44th.   Oh also, some one has been going around to all of my accounts and resetting the passwords and trying to steal my accounts.  yeah.  I put a stop to that, but its fucking annoying as everything.  I have a suspicion and I don't like it.  I get to leave in 10 minutes, hooray!  I think I'll probably start writing here more often.  Ohhhhh I have an appointment with my new primary care physician on monday, and I hope I like him/her.  Hooray for my first adult doctor! I need also to make an eye doctor appointment. Also, BALLS. That is all. oh one more thing. balls.

cool. so i'm eating this oatmeal and getting ready to go back to work after  a nice weekend away from RI. sweet. the next step is shower but i really never want to go shower if it means work it up next.

and oh i'm vaguely worried but being told not to worry so i'm trying not to worry. i hate mysteries.

dear world
i need to meet some swarthy vampires or pirates or something.